Why do I?

Why do I feel the need to wing life alone?
Why do I set myself up for love that is unknown?
Why do I question the ones who show they care?
Why do I tolerate the silence that I've always endeared?
Why do I feel so deeply,
only to be ignored completely?
I say what's on my mind,
but only thoughts one at a time,
because I know unloading it all,
would only cause me to collapse and fall.
So why do I still believe that I can let it out,
why do I set myself up for disappointment,
worry, and doubt?
That the ones I hold dear,
or the ones I dream of,
will turn away in fear,
or perhaps become fed up,
with the antics that make up who I am.
Why is that?
Why do I do that, and let myself feel that?
Why can't I let it go,
and stop feeling so alone?