Seeing Through The Filter

Telling me, 
that my deep observation,
of the darkness in the world
around me,
is what makes me sick...
what a laugh,
it's been my own life
that has me sick,
and wondering why, 
I even exist.
Like telling me I asked to be hurt,
and what's worse,
is you believe that it's true,
just like I used to.
Excuse the fact,
that I can see,
the dark that lies underneath,
the light.
That I can see through the filter
of perfection,
into the pain and deception.
The part of me that brought out the life in me,
now sucks it back, away from me,
but grateful I have to be,
that it isn't as bad as it used to be.
So I payback the hell I brought with birth,
like a never-ending curse,
and remind myself to shake off the dirt
and reach to the light before it gets worse.