I See You, But You’re Gone.

The hardest days after disconnection are the special days that pass that were once significant. A day that at one point brought joy and warmed your heart, is now a day that brings distant sadness; and when I think you’ve forgotten all about me, a sign drops on me, like a heavy weight that tells me that you must be remembering me the way I remember you.

Maybe you hate me, maybe you love me, maybe you miss me or never want to see me, or maybe it’s everything. That’s how I feel most days. Just when I think a day has passed that I can ignore it, your memory comes back and I cling to it.

We were tied to the hips you and I, me and them, all of us. We held each other like we’d never let go, we laughed like the moment would last forever, and we cried like we were the only ones who would ever understand each other. We talked on the phone for hours, we sat under the stars, dreaming of the futures that laid ahead, so young, so hopeful.

We said we’d never repeat the hurts and struggles we had experienced. We would all make it right. For us, each other, and our future families. We promised to be one another’s support.

We were dreamin’ kids, we loved and made love, we kissed, we played, we snuck around, we searched for answers, we talked, we sang, we didn’t care what anyone thought, as long as we had each other we were fine and we couldn’t wait to break free.

I still remember the hot Summer days when we would walk for miles.

I remember the cold winter nights we huddled up under the stars or snuck around the school yards.

I remember the lazy sleep in days when the hardest decision was figuring out which house to wake up in.

I remember exploring the small woods and feeling like we had a private space of our own.

And then, we spent so many days pretending like we didn’t like each other, sneaking around and joking as friends do, and what a magical feeling it was when we ditched our insecurities and fell in love.

I loved you more than you will ever know.

Now we’re grown, we’re not even the same anymore, none of us, not one are alike.

Someone we once believed held the only key to our happiness and love, is now a stranger on a screen.

Some of us will probably never speak again, due to differences, unforgiven grudges, separate lives, busy lives, new beliefs and loves. And that’s okay.

But for a moment in time we were everything to each other. Things weren’t easy but we made each other as happy as we possibly could. A beautiful star that has burned out, but will never be forgotten, and will always be loved.

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